But now it's nearly December; the date of my graduation. I didn't realize my life would end so soon.
Fortunately for me, this life beyond college concept has had time to incubate. Two weeks ago, my thoughts were consumed with educating young minds, as I simultaneously completed my final 12 weeks as a student, and my first 12 weeks as a teacher. As I begin to awake from the familiar Thanksgiving break-induced coma, I'm realized I have a whole lot of nothing planned for the weeks ahead, with graduation ever looming ahead.
Please, don't get me wrong. I've fought long and hard for the reward of an A&M diploma (and my Fightin' Texas Aggie Ring [whoop!]), but there's something daunting about stepping out into that "real world" for the first time. I fear I'll try so hard to put my best foot forward I'll trip over it and fall down.
The important people in my life tell me this is absurd. My mom tells me, "You were born to be a teacher!" The boyfriend says, "How could anyone not love you?" My brothers assure, "Just be yourself, smile, and you'll be great." Okay, so I should be fine then, right? Right? Never. I just can't seem to believe them when my palms sweat at the idea of working to sustain my American lifestyle (or Asian, depending on who you talk to).
I try to move on. To put on a smile. To light up when my future is mentioned. But, the truth is, I'm terrified. I don't have a plan; I don't even know where to start. Is it possible to step out into the unknown without any knowledge of what it is that I'm getting into? Should I have a plan? Where is the line between being required to step out in faith, and just plum unpreparedness?
Ecclesiastes 7:13-14:
"Consider what God has done: Who can straighten what he has made crooked? When times are good, be happy; but when times are bad, consider: God has made the one as well as the other. Therefore, a man cannot discover anything about his future."
Really, God? You made this confusing on purpose? But why? What's wrong with knowing stuff about my future?
My purpose is made clear in the silence.
Glorify me.
I know myself fairly well, considering how long I've known me. I know that when life is good, my struggle to maintain daily quiet times intensifies tenfold. The number of times I turn to God for direction when I think I have it figured out could probably be counted on one finger. Let's just euphemize it by saying something cutesy like, "I'm a loner", or "I work better on my own". Neither are true: I'm just as stubborn as they come.
My single, solitary purpose in life is simple: to glorify the Lord my God with my words, actions, thoughts.
My very life is His.
