Confessionals

Confession: I am a terrible, terrible blogger.

I love writing, I thought. I should blog! I conveniently forgot my lazy tendencies, and my willingness to procrastinate at any opportunity. On the other hand, I do love writing, and gosh darn it, procrastination will not ruin that for me!

So, here I am, 2 1/2 months since my last (and first) post. Rough start? Naturally. New found determination? Ohhh yeah.

Confession: I am writing a novel.

There. It's out there and I can't take it back.

It's been on my heart for a long time to write the kind of book that encourages hopes and lends itself to self-discovery. I want to write about imagination, adventure, bravery, determination, and life the way it really is. I want to give my favorite authors a run for their money, and show Stephenie Meyer what real literature looks like. I want to create a world for readers to escape to for a weekend, and to teach them life lessons to last for a lifetime. My goal is to give kids a fantasy series that is full of Biblical principles; not in your face, but not so obscure that they're left entirely to speculation. I want to teach them about trusting in the unseen God, and sharing their faith boldly to non-believers.

A bit ambitious you say? Perhaps. But I figure if God has put this on my heart for the past 8 years, I can't quite say it's up to me to ignore. I have asked God to lead these literary yearnings, and do with them what he will. He's given me some pretty good ideas.

1 Corinthians 10:23-24; 31

"All things are lawful, but not all things are profitable. All things are lawful, but not all things edify..."

Lord, let what I do be edifying

"...Let no one seek his own good, but that of his neighbor...Whether, then, you eat or drink or whatever you do, do all to the glory of God."

God that this may bring you glory, and you alone.

Pray for this project, if you feel compelled to do so. I would appreciate the necessary strength.

Best Foot Forward

I've been in school since the beginning of time. At least, that's how my egotistical mind perceives it. Surely there is not a world outside of what I know. Surely this "real world" the adults speak of is merely a joke, a humorless prank.

But now it's nearly December; the date of my graduation. I didn't realize my life would end so soon.

Fortunately for me, this life beyond college concept has had time to incubate. Two weeks ago, my thoughts were consumed with educating young minds, as I simultaneously completed my final 12 weeks as a student, and my first 12 weeks as a teacher. As I begin to awake from the familiar Thanksgiving break-induced coma, I'm realized I have a whole lot of nothing planned for the weeks ahead, with graduation ever looming ahead.

Please, don't get me wrong. I've fought long and hard for the reward of an A&M diploma (and my Fightin' Texas Aggie Ring [whoop!]), but there's something daunting about stepping out into that "real world" for the first time. I fear I'll try so hard to put my best foot forward I'll trip over it and fall down.

The important people in my life tell me this is absurd. My mom tells me, "You were born to be a teacher!" The boyfriend says, "How could anyone not love you?" My brothers assure, "Just be yourself, smile, and you'll be great." Okay, so I should be fine then, right? Right? Never. I just can't seem to believe them when my palms sweat at the idea of working to sustain my American lifestyle (or Asian, depending on who you talk to).

I try to move on. To put on a smile. To light up when my future is mentioned. But, the truth is, I'm terrified. I don't have a plan; I don't even know where to start. Is it possible to step out into the unknown without any knowledge of what it is that I'm getting into? Should I have a plan? Where is the line between being required to step out in faith, and just plum unpreparedness?

Ecclesiastes 7:13-14:

"Consider what God has done: Who can straighten what he has made crooked? When times are good, be happy; but when times are bad, consider: God has made the one as well as the other. Therefore, a man cannot discover anything about his future."

Really, God? You made this confusing on purpose? But why? What's wrong with knowing stuff about my future?

My purpose is made clear in the silence.

Glorify me.

I know myself fairly well, considering how long I've known me. I know that when life is good, my struggle to maintain daily quiet times intensifies tenfold. The number of times I turn to God for direction when I think I have it figured out could probably be counted on one finger. Let's just euphemize it by saying something cutesy like, "I'm a loner", or "I work better on my own". Neither are true: I'm just as stubborn as they come.

My single, solitary purpose in life is simple: to glorify the Lord my God with my words, actions, thoughts.

My very life is His.